27 Nov 2025, 14:49Lynne Sesinye-Samwinga
Bullying in the church: A hidden wound within sacred walls
October and November: A call to awareness and action
Every October, communities in the UK and across the world recognise National Bullying Prevention Month. It is a time devoted to raising awareness and preventing bullying in all its forms. The movement promotes kindness, acceptance, and inclusion through educational campaigns and acts of solidarity.
The initiative began in 2006, established by the PACER National Bullying Prevention Center in the United States. What started as a week of awareness grew into a month-long global campaign by 2010, calling people everywhere to stand up for kindness and compassion.
Although the UK’s main national campaign is Anti-Bullying Week, held in November and organised by the Anti-Bullying Alliance, October remains a valuable opportunity for reflection and action within faith communities.
Key aspects of the month include:
• Purpose: To raise awareness of the harm caused by bullying and to encourage communities to work together for safety and respect.
• Activities: Schools, organisations, and faith groups host events and share resources to promote empathy and inclusion.
• UK focus: While October marks National Bullying Prevention Month globally, the UK’s Anti-Bullying Week in November brings the focus closer to home, often themed around kindness and respect.
• Unity Day: Typically held on the second or third Wednesday of October, when people are encouraged to wear orange to show unity against bullying.
When the church becomes a place of pain
The church is meant to be a place of refuge; a space for healing, belonging, and grace. Yet for some, it becomes a source of deep hurt. Bullying in the church may be subtle, systemic, or hidden beneath spiritual language.
It can appear as:
• Verbal abuse: Gossip, ridicule, or harsh criticism disguised as “correction.”
• Exclusion: Deliberately leaving individuals out of groups, ministries, or decisions.
• Spiritual manipulation: Using Scripture or leadership status to control or shame others.
• Public humiliation: Criticising or embarrassing members publicly or online (for example in WhatsApp groups, Facebook, etc).
This kind of behaviour erodes trust and drives people away, not from God, but from the people who claim to represent Him.
A case study: When silence drove a member away
For over a decade, Sarah (not her real name) was an active member of her Seventh Day Adventist church. She sang in the worship team, volunteered in children’s ministry, and was known for her kindness. But behind the smiles, Sarah was struggling.
A small group of long-standing members often belittled her contributions and mocked her ideas during meetings. When she tried to speak up, she was told she was being “too sensitive” or “not submissive enough.” Leadership brushed off her concerns, suggesting she focus on forgiveness rather than “causing division.”
Over the years, the bullying intensified. Her responsibilities were reduced without explanation, and gossip about her spread through the congregation. She once caught a group of women gossiping about her. Eventually, Sarah stopped attending church; not because she had lost faith, but because the pain of being rejected in a place meant to offer acceptance became unbearable.
She said, “I still love God, but I can’t face walking into a church again. It feels like the place that was meant to heal me became the place that hurt me most.”
Sadly, Sarah’s story is not unique. Many who experience bullying in church settings leave quietly, carrying unseen wounds that can take years to heal.
Why it happens
Bullying within churches often arises from power imbalances, ego, or a culture of silence. Sometimes, those in authority misuse their influence, confusing control with leadership. In other cases, members may bully one another out of jealousy, insecurity, or a desire to maintain a certain social order.
When such behaviour goes unaddressed, it harms both victim and offender; and it also weakens the witness of the entire congregation. The church ceases to reflect the compassion of Christ when it allows fear, pride, or indifference to rule.
The cost of silence
Silence allows pain to fester. Victims often stay quiet for fear of being labelled “difficult” or “unforgiving,” while others avoid involvement to “keep the peace.” But peace built on silence is not peace, it is avoidance.
Jesus consistently defended the vulnerable and confronted those who misused authority. His example reminds us that standing up for justice and love within the church is not divisive; it is discipleship.
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” — John 13:35
How churches can address and prevent bullying
The good news is that the church can be part of the solution. With honesty, courage, and compassion, communities of faith can create safe spaces that nurture dignity and belonging.
1. Build a culture of openness and respect
Foster honest communication. Encourage members to voice concerns and ask questions without fear of being dismissed or criticised. Make respect a foundational value of every interaction.
2. Model Christ-like leadership
Leaders set the spiritual tone. Pastors, Elders, and ministry heads must demonstrate humility, accountability, and empathy. A servant-hearted approach builds trust and discourages domineering behaviour.
3. Create clear anti-bullying policies
Churches should establish written guidelines that define bullying, outline reporting procedures, and ensure impartial follow-up. This transparency reassures members that their wellbeing is taken seriously.
4. Provide training and awareness
Offer training for staff, volunteers, and ministry leaders on recognising bullying, responding to conflict, and offering support. Equip people with the skills to handle difficult situations with grace, wisdom and impartiality.
5. Encourage inclusion and belonging
Celebrate diversity and welcome everyone. Create ministries, small groups, and events where all feel seen and valued. Even simple acts of inclusion (greeting newcomers, listening to differing opinions, or sharing meals together) build stronger bonds.
6. Strengthen accountability structures
Develop safe systems for accountability. Encourage leaders to receive feedback and invite external oversight where possible. Healthy accountability protects both leaders and members from harm.
7. Offer Pastoral and emotional care
Those who have experienced bullying often need healing, not only spiritually but emotionally. Provide access to pastoral counselling, prayer, and mental health resources. Recognise that restoration takes time and compassion.
8. Preach and practise kindness
Use sermons, prayers, and small group discussions to teach about kindness, forgiveness, and the power of our words. Mark Unity Day in October or Anti-Bullying Week in November by wearing orange, praying together, and reaffirming the church’s commitment to love.
A vision for healing and hope
The Apostle Paul wrote:
“Let all that you do be done in love.” — 1 Corinthians 16:14
That simple instruction holds the key to transforming the culture of the church.
When congregations choose love over pride, empathy over power, and courage over silence, healing begins to take place.
As we observe National Bullying Prevention Month this October and prepare for Anti-Bullying Week in November, may we examine our own hearts and communities. Let us ensure that our churches are not places of fear, but homes of grace where everyone is treated with dignity, and Christ’s love shines through every relationship.
When the Church confronts bullying with honesty and compassion, it becomes once more what it was always meant to be: a refuge for the hurting, a family for the lonely, and a living witness to the love of God.
A reflective prayer for kindness and courage
Heavenly Father,
You call us to live in love and peace.
Where our words or actions have caused harm, forgive us.
Where silence has allowed suffering, stir our hearts to speak.
Give us wisdom to recognise bullying,
courage to stand against it,
and compassion to walk alongside those who are hurting.
Fill our churches with grace, respect, and gentleness, so that every person feels valued and safe in Your house.
May our communities reflect Your light and Your love, today and always.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Every October, communities in the UK and across the world recognise National Bullying Prevention Month. It is a time devoted to raising awareness and preventing bullying in all its forms. The movement promotes kindness, acceptance, and inclusion through educational campaigns and acts of solidarity.
The initiative began in 2006, established by the PACER National Bullying Prevention Center in the United States. What started as a week of awareness grew into a month-long global campaign by 2010, calling people everywhere to stand up for kindness and compassion.
Although the UK’s main national campaign is Anti-Bullying Week, held in November and organised by the Anti-Bullying Alliance, October remains a valuable opportunity for reflection and action within faith communities.
Key aspects of the month include:
• Purpose: To raise awareness of the harm caused by bullying and to encourage communities to work together for safety and respect.
• Activities: Schools, organisations, and faith groups host events and share resources to promote empathy and inclusion.
• UK focus: While October marks National Bullying Prevention Month globally, the UK’s Anti-Bullying Week in November brings the focus closer to home, often themed around kindness and respect.
• Unity Day: Typically held on the second or third Wednesday of October, when people are encouraged to wear orange to show unity against bullying.
When the church becomes a place of pain
The church is meant to be a place of refuge; a space for healing, belonging, and grace. Yet for some, it becomes a source of deep hurt. Bullying in the church may be subtle, systemic, or hidden beneath spiritual language.
It can appear as:
• Verbal abuse: Gossip, ridicule, or harsh criticism disguised as “correction.”
• Exclusion: Deliberately leaving individuals out of groups, ministries, or decisions.
• Spiritual manipulation: Using Scripture or leadership status to control or shame others.
• Public humiliation: Criticising or embarrassing members publicly or online (for example in WhatsApp groups, Facebook, etc).
This kind of behaviour erodes trust and drives people away, not from God, but from the people who claim to represent Him.
A case study: When silence drove a member away
For over a decade, Sarah (not her real name) was an active member of her Seventh Day Adventist church. She sang in the worship team, volunteered in children’s ministry, and was known for her kindness. But behind the smiles, Sarah was struggling.
A small group of long-standing members often belittled her contributions and mocked her ideas during meetings. When she tried to speak up, she was told she was being “too sensitive” or “not submissive enough.” Leadership brushed off her concerns, suggesting she focus on forgiveness rather than “causing division.”
Over the years, the bullying intensified. Her responsibilities were reduced without explanation, and gossip about her spread through the congregation. She once caught a group of women gossiping about her. Eventually, Sarah stopped attending church; not because she had lost faith, but because the pain of being rejected in a place meant to offer acceptance became unbearable.
She said, “I still love God, but I can’t face walking into a church again. It feels like the place that was meant to heal me became the place that hurt me most.”
Sadly, Sarah’s story is not unique. Many who experience bullying in church settings leave quietly, carrying unseen wounds that can take years to heal.
Why it happens
Bullying within churches often arises from power imbalances, ego, or a culture of silence. Sometimes, those in authority misuse their influence, confusing control with leadership. In other cases, members may bully one another out of jealousy, insecurity, or a desire to maintain a certain social order.
When such behaviour goes unaddressed, it harms both victim and offender; and it also weakens the witness of the entire congregation. The church ceases to reflect the compassion of Christ when it allows fear, pride, or indifference to rule.
The cost of silence
Silence allows pain to fester. Victims often stay quiet for fear of being labelled “difficult” or “unforgiving,” while others avoid involvement to “keep the peace.” But peace built on silence is not peace, it is avoidance.
Jesus consistently defended the vulnerable and confronted those who misused authority. His example reminds us that standing up for justice and love within the church is not divisive; it is discipleship.
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” — John 13:35
How churches can address and prevent bullying
The good news is that the church can be part of the solution. With honesty, courage, and compassion, communities of faith can create safe spaces that nurture dignity and belonging.
1. Build a culture of openness and respect
Foster honest communication. Encourage members to voice concerns and ask questions without fear of being dismissed or criticised. Make respect a foundational value of every interaction.
2. Model Christ-like leadership
Leaders set the spiritual tone. Pastors, Elders, and ministry heads must demonstrate humility, accountability, and empathy. A servant-hearted approach builds trust and discourages domineering behaviour.
3. Create clear anti-bullying policies
Churches should establish written guidelines that define bullying, outline reporting procedures, and ensure impartial follow-up. This transparency reassures members that their wellbeing is taken seriously.
4. Provide training and awareness
Offer training for staff, volunteers, and ministry leaders on recognising bullying, responding to conflict, and offering support. Equip people with the skills to handle difficult situations with grace, wisdom and impartiality.
5. Encourage inclusion and belonging
Celebrate diversity and welcome everyone. Create ministries, small groups, and events where all feel seen and valued. Even simple acts of inclusion (greeting newcomers, listening to differing opinions, or sharing meals together) build stronger bonds.
6. Strengthen accountability structures
Develop safe systems for accountability. Encourage leaders to receive feedback and invite external oversight where possible. Healthy accountability protects both leaders and members from harm.
7. Offer Pastoral and emotional care
Those who have experienced bullying often need healing, not only spiritually but emotionally. Provide access to pastoral counselling, prayer, and mental health resources. Recognise that restoration takes time and compassion.
8. Preach and practise kindness
Use sermons, prayers, and small group discussions to teach about kindness, forgiveness, and the power of our words. Mark Unity Day in October or Anti-Bullying Week in November by wearing orange, praying together, and reaffirming the church’s commitment to love.
A vision for healing and hope
The Apostle Paul wrote:
“Let all that you do be done in love.” — 1 Corinthians 16:14
That simple instruction holds the key to transforming the culture of the church.
When congregations choose love over pride, empathy over power, and courage over silence, healing begins to take place.
As we observe National Bullying Prevention Month this October and prepare for Anti-Bullying Week in November, may we examine our own hearts and communities. Let us ensure that our churches are not places of fear, but homes of grace where everyone is treated with dignity, and Christ’s love shines through every relationship.
When the Church confronts bullying with honesty and compassion, it becomes once more what it was always meant to be: a refuge for the hurting, a family for the lonely, and a living witness to the love of God.
A reflective prayer for kindness and courage
Heavenly Father,
You call us to live in love and peace.
Where our words or actions have caused harm, forgive us.
Where silence has allowed suffering, stir our hearts to speak.
Give us wisdom to recognise bullying,
courage to stand against it,
and compassion to walk alongside those who are hurting.
Fill our churches with grace, respect, and gentleness, so that every person feels valued and safe in Your house.
May our communities reflect Your light and Your love, today and always.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
